~diurnus filiae prodigentiae~: diary of a prodigal daughter~

2006---2007!!!!

2007-01-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

"I know men; and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man; between Him and every other person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius ? Upon force! Jesus Christ founded His empire upon Love; and at this hour millions of men would die for Him."

- Napoleon Bonaparte

Attempting to be the Classics/ History buff I aspire to be (minus the bow-ties, the tweed suits, and the British accent haha), this quote really spoke out to me a couple of days back when I was reading Donald Miller's "Searching For God Knows What". It's so interesting to have Napoleon, a militaristic conqueror and leader, acknowledge the CORE meaning and ministry of Jesus. It's even more funny that he realizes loyalty and success could be derived from two completely separate types and styles of leadership; one derived from his own model of war and subjugation, the other being from Jesus' peace and unconditional love for others. In looking further, the models of Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne and even Napoleon's empires only brought temporary stability and success. None of their empires or power stood the test of time because in bringing forceful obligations, rebellion always ensued. On the contrary, Jesus' model and his means to express love in actions and behaviours was what set his "empire" apart from the others. His love meant being vulnerable. His love meant being understanding and non-judgmental.

This past year has been full of new lessons, challenges and surprises. There were times, when I just had no capacity to do what Jesus would have done. Yet, God has been so faithful, patient, and merciful to me. He put me in situations, surroundings and relationships that required me to be vulnerable, honest, patient, understanding, and the hardest one for me, non-judgmental. This Christmas, I was reminded of just how He has blessed me immeasurably in many aspects of my life...

It's been a tough year of changes within my family. As my parents are getting through that middle-age period, my grandparents are getting older and more forgetful, and I'm getting older and wanting more independance, there have been many lessons on patience and understanding. What I've learnt to appreciate the most from my family this year was their willingness to pray WITH each other and FOR each other. I'm so thankful to know that I can pray with my family for something as simple as dinner, and to know that they are praying for me as well :)

Whether new or old, God has blessed me this year with great friendships that have extended far beyond surface conversations. One thing I learnt from Urbana that really encouraged me was to be involved in and with a community of people. Despite all our different backgrounds (religious, family, cultural), the relationships developed during this past year have taught me how to enjoy people placed in my life, and to learn the meaning of carrying each other's joys and burdens. Finally, the biggest surprise of all this year was God's providence in the "romantical" department hahah.... I say surprised because I was caught off guard when it all started. Surprised because I had come to accept and be okay with my singleness for the time being. Surprised because Mr. Isaac Ling is so "white" and I am the epitomy of "chineseness"...haha. Surprised because I go to Queen's, the best school on the planet, and he has to be from Western (hhaha, I can already feel the influx of pro-Western comments flooding my comments). Yet, God has taught me many things through Ike and in our times together thus far. Somehow, I have learnt that vulnerability and honesty with a person (especially a guy) is okay... I don't always have to pretend that I'm tough or put up a wall or mask... someone that cares will want to hear about my thoughts and my opinions (even if it may differ from theirs). Another thing I have learnt through Ike is in giving others the benefit of the doubt, not judging them for their experiences in the past... that's an aspect of Jesus' unconditional love for others that I have yet to fully understand and exercise. God is definitely full of surprises, eh ? He's not one that follows a rule book or guideline in writing our journeys and stories with Him.

All in all, a very interesting year! It never ceases to amaze me how relational God is. He continually reminds me that all good and perfect things come from Him. So... I wonder what things will happen this coming year as I enter my last semester of undergrad at uni, as he opens and closes doors to what I will do in my future, as he brings new or old people back into my life.........What's to come ? Whatever it is, I'll strive to be ready for it face-on... Bring it On, New Year!!

2006-11-29T16:38:00.000-08:00

PLATFORM 6

"Platform 6" tells the story of a person's life, from cradle to grave, happening
on a railway terminus platform. Why a platform? Platforms are where people go to
board trains. They are places we pass through on our way to somewhere else. The
question this story raises is, "Where are we going in this life? What is really
important in the end? Shouldn't our main goal be to be ready for what comes
after this life?"

God is so Good!

2006-11-29T14:51:00.000-08:00

In celebration of finishing some of my apps, I'm finally updating after a month's hiatus :) In the past month, God's been so good to me. He's continually showing me his Blessings and his grace in many aspects of my life. His fulfillment of promises and answers to many "age-old" questions I have had have recently seemed to be manifested through different people and situations. Whether it is in new relational developments with a certain "COOL" "friend" hahah :) or in granting me grace in schoolwork and marks, it is true how He does not withhold anything good from us. I remember reflecting on a passage a couple of weeks back during my times with the Lord. The Israelites were filled with joy and happiness in how the Lord had delivered and done great things for them. . .

Psalm 126: "When the Lord brought back the captives of Zion,
we were like men who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations
The Lord has done Great Things for us."

I feel the same way as those Israelites right now. I KNOW that God has brought me OUT of the desert, and back to where I can hear his voice and feel his Deep love for me in very tangible ways. I just want to say Thank You Lord :) Just when I had finally found my identity in You and was finally Satisfied with Being your Beloved, you surprised me !

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ON another note, it was a lovely time to have spent time with the girls this past weekend. Char came back from NYC to celebrate her American Thanksgiving with us at our favourite pig-out spot: Yang's Kitchen hahha. All I gotta say is that we DEFINITELY know how to cause Ruckus by the mere presence of our voices and laughing :)

And also, check out this short film Casey sent me through email sometime last week called "PLATFORM 6" created by a Christian filmaker. His goal is to utilize the film as a tool to reach out to people in China and other countries with would point people to Jesus as their only hope.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Till next time,
Cheers :) & God Bless !

Coming and Going...COGOS!!

2006-10-12T15:39:00.000-07:00

LONG OVERDUE!!!!! but here's the Thanksgiving entry hehe...gobble, gobble...

I really enjoy Thanksgiving...and the concept of giving thanks for blessings in our lives with the people we care about. This past weekend was a reflection of that. It was sooooo hectic, but at the same time, it was an awesome time to see and spend time with people back home in Toronto. There is so much I'm thankful for... health, people in my life...etc...just too many blessings in life that seem to emerge in my thoughts when Thanksgiving comes around (which makes me think, how much I should really praise the Lord for these same things on a daily basis). Granted, I wish I had some turkey...but nonetheless, fish'n'chips/stuffed chicken/peking duck/pumpkin pie will do :) Leaving Toronto for Kingston on Monday afternoon, I was already feeling the "cage" symptoms again...leaving the big city for the small town, leaving civilization for hermitage...I felt bummed but it needed to be done.

Which leads me to think about the coming and goings that we out-of-towners must experience quite frequently. Every single time I leave, whether from Kingston or from Toronto, I feel like I've left a bit of me behind... like I'm leaving a place where a part of me has been established. At the same time though, there's always that tinge of the "unknown"...things that will develop to be a part of me once I get there. One example is of people and relationships. Everytime someone leaves a place, they leave behind a group of people. Whether they are family, close friends, or a significant other, the truth of the matter is they'll be missed...but there's also that glimpse of hope.. that when you arrive in the "other" destination, there will be people you either will meet or already have established relationships with that will eventually become your close "family". Of course, one can't be replaced by the other, but each can contribute and help develop different characteristics and values in a person. Reflecting on myself, I think I'd be a very different person in thought and in spiritual character if I had stayed in Toronto for school. Not to say that staying in Toronto would've made me any less as a person, but the outcome would've definitely been varied! There's no end to how Thankful to God I am regarding my schooling away from home:

1. It's made me realize how much I appreciate individuals back home
It's funny how my relationship with my dad is actually better when I'm away from home. We don't argue as much or treat each other like 10-yr old tattle-tale-ing siblings as much... haha. Keeping in contact and praying for ppl have also been on my agenda of making me realize how much I appreciate people I care for back home:)

2. It's taught me how to care for those that share the same "fate" as me in Kingston
God's continuing to remind me and to refresh me on a daily basis on how to care for people around me that are also away from home. As John Piper mentioned in his recent sermon, "Carry My Love to My Beloved", Paul was demonstrative in the ways to which he showed authentic platonic and brotherly love to other believers spread around the different churches. (Romans 16). Even in his address to them in writing, he finds things about these individuals that endears Paul and intensifies his love for them.

3. It's reminded me of the omnipresence of God
sounds cliche, but it's only the truth...he's always been there for me, and that is what i'm MOST thankful for :) Whether in Toronto or Kingston, the God of gods, King of kings, Lord of lords has always been present.

What a Thanksgiving, thanks for all the fun back home ;)

Mark 12:30~ Love is Tough Work!

2006-09-25T18:45:00.000-07:00

Was thinking about the theme for CCF this year... it's taken from the verse in Mark 12:30

"Love the Lord your God with all your Heart and all your Soul and with all your Mind and with all your Strength."

I've heard of this verse so many times before, but it seems rather refreshing this time. I've never really asked why it would be these particular four aspects: Heart, the Soul, the Mind and the Strength. This time, I questioned, Why these four specific words ? Why this Order ?

1. To Love the Lord your God with All your Heart
I was thinking what it meant to Love with the Heart. For both guys and girls, this means to love with every "organ" of existence..the heart being one of them...haha". As a woman, I notice that in general, our gender tends to act and view loving someone pretty differently than guys. For us, there are a LOT of feelings and emotions tied to the heart. Our brains are filled with overthought and overanalyzed situations/words/scenarios/things. In a human relationship, there is always that factor of risk in giving our hearts completely to another person. There's the risk of being vulnerable and the risk of getting hurt. With God, there's also a risk on our part to Love with all our hearts. Yet, the best part about THIS relationship is that our risk is always minimized due to his unfailing Love for us. I don't have to be afraid of being vulnerable to Him, nor do I have to be afraid of getting hurt. What assurance!

2. To Love the Lord your God with All your Soul
I was thinking of what has and doesn't have souls. Plants don't have souls nor do animals; that's what sets humans apart from all other living things. One part of loving the Lord with the Soul is to allow his Holy Spirit to move and touch us. The soul is the battle ground between God and the Devil. It is the decision maker that determines where the final destination of an individual will be. Unlike the fickle heart (which sometimes cannot decide whether we like/dislike or love/hate something)... there is no inbetween nor middle ground for the soul. So, loving the Lord with our Souls means all or nothing..

3. To Love the Lord your God with All your Minds
What can the mind be filled with ? Mannnnyyyyy things....things that can be beneficial or things that can distract. To give ALL of the mind to Love the Lord means taking hold of EVERY thought that passes through the brain. A lot of things can affect what the mind absorbs, what we see through our eyes, what we feel and experience in our hearts, what we touch, hear and even smell. For me, this has GOT to be one of the tough ones...

4. To Love the Lord your God with All your Strength
God saves the best for last...there's hope yet =) Strength can be physical strength or mental strength. Physical strength constitutes being physically healthy and fit. Likwise, mental strength takes just as much discipline. Strength can mean different things to different people. For some, it may mean to perservere in hard times. For others, it may mean to prepare themselves for upcoming hard times. Either way, the good thing is that all God asks is that we try or put our best effort to Love Him =) He's Understanding, isn't He?

So....The passage taught me that to Love Him means that these things should be treated with care:
1. Emotions/Feelings (Heart)
2. The Soul and the Spirit (Soul)
3. Knowledge and Information / Wisdom and Intelligence (Mind)
4. Effort in maintaining Physical and Mental Health (Strength)

Wow! It's definitely gonna be a big challenge...lots of work! But one step at a time =)

Blessings,
-v

-------------------------------

The picture was taken in ottawa last week... we were walking in the market, and I saw this butterfly land on a rack of beady necklaces. It was an "of the moment" type of thing :)

Homecoming....roadtrip ?

2006-09-18T06:55:00.000-07:00

The weekend after Homecoming seems to always usher the feelings that our campus is even MORE ghetto than it already is. It's funny to see that there's a random couch sitting outside our house and even better...the funky smell of unknown substances once we step outside our place.(there's a bunch of football players living downstairs..ahha). This year's Homecoming festivities were rather different from the last few. Instead of treading through the craziness which is Aberdeen, (and doing some entertaining ppl watching...haha), a few of us decided to head to Ottawa for a day trip on Saturday. There were a couple of highlights on our spontaneous roadtrip :

1. Budweiser CD songs: the lovely tunes/parodies of "love songs" created by the guys from Buddy and directed to the taboos of relationships with their girlfriends. <--HILARIOUS 2. THE MARKET!!! (mmm...Pastry Shop, i love thee...Beaver Tails, and you said you couldn't finish one, Becs!)
3. Moroccan food for lunch (mmm...eggplant)
4. Whoa Bear...WHOA....
5. taking "action shots" (S CLUB ANYONE?) in front of parliament field...hehe

Thanks girls for some good spontaneous fun!

----------------------------------------------

This trip and the conversations we had during our car ride made me think of two things that I've learnt in particular this past week while spending time with the Lord

1. Disruptions and Spontaneity in life can be Blessings and oppurtunities to spread Christ's Love and Care (no matter where God "scatters or sends us"). It maybe something small like our roadtrip, or even something bigger like Hurricane Katrina (where families were displaced from their homes in New Orleans)...God can still use me/us, whether during travel or moving to a new surroundings due to unforseen circumstances, if I/we am/are willing to let Him. (Acts 8:4)

2. Fellowship and Development of Godly Friendships are so crucial to spiritual growth. (Matthew 6:21) says that "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also". One of my treasures is the relationships I have in my life...with God, with family, with friends... God reminded me that if I remember Him in these treasures, he will bless them and make them grow...yay!

more for later! Cause I Ott-ta-Wa(ddle) to class.... haha

-v

Sup Deck Deck (and Chee Nup Nup)

2006-09-05T05:32:00.000-07:00

Been a while since my last post. I meant to write this one a couple of days ago, but just didn't get around to it until now. So, the context of my title "Sup Deck Deck" literally expresses the characteristic of water or rain....wet.

In reference to my weekend, let's just say that it was very "prevelant" haha. Was up at 6:45 on Saturday morning of the Long Weekend, heading out to Niagara with the family. The skies were gloomy, and the weather was pretty chilly already. By the time we got to Niagara, it was pretty much pouring. My immediate reaction to this type of weather was that "this is suck!" (as Carrie's mum would say hehe). I really don't like the feeling of clingy wet clothes...especially since our car was packed. On rainy days, I'd rather stay at home, snuggled up or watch the rain outside rather than standing in it ! And then.....there's the thunderstorms... ooooo i like those too. Anyways, as our day continued, I realized that my crummy mood was affected by WEATHER of all things...and it was showing in the way I reacted to people and to the overall events of the day. Then, my mum said something that made my attitude towards the whole situation change.

"We should be thankful to even have Rain...".

As I thought about that more deeply, I not only realized what a bum I was for complaining about the weather, but thoughts about the quality, characteristic and importance of something as simple as rain and water filled my head and changed my attitude to God's providence.

- one drop of rain is harmless, but a big rainstorm can create destruction of great magnitude
- water and rain can have the power to destroy in situations such as hurricanes, tsunamis, but ironically, ALL LIVING THINGS NEED it to live and survive
- our world is more than 50% water
- rushing water as in the Niagara Falls contains enough power to create energy for daily uses
- bodies of water have provided a barrier and boundary of protection for countries in the history of war and establishment of empires
- qualities of water are unequated to any other element or chemical compound: it exists and can be changed into 3 different phases : liquid/solid / gas
- in liquid form, it only boils at 100 degrees C (making it safe for our bodies, when it's in there)
- in lakes/oceans, the lattice formation allows for warmth to be preserved underwater, sustaining the fish and living creatures underneath
- in gas form, it's part of the cyclic process that allows for plants to absorb nutrients and needed goods

and as I was contemplating these things, I was so Amazed...this is just something as basic as WATER and RAIN!! I often take these things for granted, but God uses the most simplistic things to humble me. How about you, reader ? Are there things in life so blatantly present that we often let pass without a second thought?

--------------------------
On another note, Scrabble is fun!!! and so is making up sentences out of acronyms and random letters... haha.. RCSE (Rude Children Should Evaporate haha/ Roman Centurions Serve Emperor/Rubix Cube Solved Excrutiatingly/Ravens Crave Squishy Eyeballs haha good times... Boardgames are a great investment, especially the classic ones =) Speaking of which, haven't played Monopoly in a while...anyone up for that ? (oh! has anyone heard of Apples to Apples ..another awesome one).

--------------------------
Photo is courtesy of Sam Javanrouh of Daily Dose of Imagery http://wvs.topleftpixel.com/about.htm <-- check it out if you haven't....great photographer (works with what he has) =) -v

outta gas...not that kind.

2006-08-24T05:28:00.000-07:00

This week has been one heck of a social week... I feel physically exhausted having been out every single day of the week so far. It's like I've been saving all my energy from work for this one single week of tiring freedom (isn't it ironic? Don't you think? oh, Alanis, you say it the best). So this is what the week consisted of,

Monday: Wonderland with May, Carrie, Ass and the boys (yay for whack-a-mole and basketball shoot) SUPISE for Robbie =)
Tuesday: CNE with the girls, and Dessert at night with the twin and my cousin and the Queen's convert...haha (mmm Durian...so smelly but so good)...
Wednesday: Day with the Best Friend =) Dessert with the girls (CHAR IS BACK YAY!!!)
Thursday:...... here it comes, LORD OF THE RINGS MARATHON!!! whoaaaaaaa and the EXTENDED VERSION TOO !!!
Friday: Charity Ball...
I'm think I might do the hibernating next week.... sometimes, too much is overload... I'm definitely "running out of gas".

On another note regarding friendship, I find that I compare myself to my friends a lot of times. Maybe it's because of the "chinese" in me that I tend to do so. It's inherent that in my family, I was taught to always do better than the person sitting beside me (whether in school or in the arts). Although I've learnt to accept and to be thankful for who God made me to be (personality, character, and even in terms of my physical attributes), I still struggle with this issue. Sometimes, because of the fact that all my close friends are so talented, successful, and great in personality, in spritual character and did I mention, Good Lookin' haha (Yes, you guys are wonderful!) I find myself believing that I'm not good enough, or I question why I can't be like so and so. I know that this is called ENVY, and I wanna get rid of it. I know the difference between the Lies and the Truth, so which one will I cling onto ? The answer is easy to say, but hard to grasp in the heart when you've been lied to for so long. I want to continue to cling to his Words, his promises and his Love for me shown through so many years of struggles...please Lord, help me overcome.

Psalm 40: ...."Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare..."

i am a carrot

2006-08-20T20:09:00.000-07:00

Today, I had a good time to just sit and "veg-out"at home after lunch out with the churchies. It was a time of reflection and enjoying my geekiness ;apparant in my love for the 5 following things:

1. Reading the Newspaper.
I like to read all the parts that interest me first, and then to read over all the other parts of the paper. It's good to know what's going on in our world, and I have to agree that our generation is a lotta of the times, ignorant to the things going on in our world...it bothers me to think that we worry about our own petty problems when there's so much going on outside of our little "bubble". But all in all, I've learnt to appreciate the Editorial section, I've learnt to question the validity of the newspaper (should I believe everything I read?) and of course, the precious CROSSWORDS SECTION!!!! (although I can't finish one for the life of me, unlike HEIDI or VAN, those geniuses... tee hee)

2. Jigsaw puzzles (either online or by hand)
I don't know why I've liked to fit pieces of things together since I was a kid. I like the process of putting little pieces together to make an overall product =) It gives some satisfaction of accomplishment....I've always wanted to do a crazy 1000 + piece puzzle !!

3. Reading
Recently, I've been reading "Where is God when It Hurts" by Philip Yancey. It's taking me a LONG time to digest the stuff written in the book...maybe cause there's so much material to grasp... or maybe cause I want to understand and relate it to what I've experienced. Nonetheless, when Pastor Mpindu (in today's sermon) says that continuous education is essential to our Understanding and development of Wisdom in God's things, I was even more encouraged to read more and to learn more.

4. Jamming on the piano, writing music, listening to new music (and my futile attempt at picking up the guitar....haha)
Music is one of the most important medium to express my feelings and thoughts on things.. I've just started writing music this summer, and like a puzzle, it's exciting to be able to put together and match words with a melody and to make it meaningful (if not to others, than even to me).

5. sketching and folding origami=)
There was a sketch of a friend I started at the beginning of the summer that I'm still working on... it's funny to see how much my artistic skills have evolved from middle school through high school... YES!! my years in art major have not been in vain!! haha (even though those of us Claudies in Haig know that working on squares and conceptions are far more IMPORTANT.....right.... ) . In respect to Origami, it's always fascinated me to know how folding a simple piece of paper a certain way can make such beautiful objects...I've always wondered who the people were, who sat around thinking of ways to fold a piece of paper to make a crab or something.... maybe it's a profession in Japan =)

Aside from today's afternoon of geekdom, I've been having a wonderful week! Kat and Carrie are both back from their trip overseas, and our Haig Girl's Potluck was awesome. Softball is always fun to cheer and watch, and chilling with the churchies, I'm so thankful to have gotten to know some of you more deeply =) Since school is only 2-3 weeks away, I'm trying make the most of the time left...and also starting to gear up for the goodbyes... and the reunions back in ktown....

OH ! and the picture ? I don't know why I put it up, it's just to continue my photo"blog" haha .... took it in Norway, and the expression on the child's face caught my eye..... it's so funny but real at the same time.... and near a river too haha...and below, that's a threadless.com design. I thought it was quite witty =) i like witty tshirt designs..it's almost equal to a witty/corny joke hahah...

-v

"Dare you to Move...Where do you run to escape from Yourself?" ~ Switchfoot

2006-08-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

Signs. They help to indicate where something is, when and where to perform certain activities or functions. They also sometimes help to warn, to acknowledge something or to confuse. I wish that sometimes, God would just give clear cut answers to prayers or questions like the picture I took at the Ford Museum in Chicago a couple of weeks back. This summer has been a challenging yet promising time in my life; in my spiritual walk and in my relationship with others. Being away from life in Toronto for most of the year, it's hard to maintain and keep those relationships going back home. In particular, I'm not very good with keeping in touch with people, and so these friendships suffer because I don't do my part to keep them going. That's why it's been so nice to be able to spend a complete summer in Toronto (well... for the first time since my last year in high school). It's such a blessing to be able to re-establish and to develop relationships with my brothers and sisters in church. It's such a blessing to be able to go to retreat for the first time since I've gone off to Queen's. Crazy to say, it's even been a blessing to be able to work at Cruise Holidays (although I HAVE to say that the working hours are INSANO, and there are those times when.... the customers just annoy the HECK outta me). I guess since I haven't updated since the last month of school... I'll give a quick cap of the summer.

May was the month of the annual family vacation. This year, we decided to go to Northern Europe for 13 days. We stopped by London, England prior to heading North to Denmark. It was lovalee to meet up with a couple of my friends in London=) Enroute, we also stopped in the cities of Stockholm, Helsinki, St. Petersburg, Gdansk, Tallinn, and Oslo. The picture underneath is one of my favourites from the whole trip.

It was taken in Gdansk, Poland... a beautiful little city (or rather touristy) amidst its impoverished surroundings. The overall impression given off by Northern European countries are so much different from those in Western Europe. The people seem more conservative, more serious and at times, it can even be described as repressed. One thing that impressed upon me was the number of Orthodox churches and Calvinist churches in these countries. I guess that religion and Christianity are big factors in their countries, and yet , where is the joy in knowing the Lord ?

June : Back in Toronto, I started work late in May at Cruise Holidays. Located at the intersection of Bayview and Major Mackenzie, it's a Chinese branch of a "Gwai-Lo" franchise. I was so thankful for this job, cause I was so desperately looking for a summer job. I remember telling God that I was willing to do experience anything this summer, even if it meant laborious or tough work. God is funny like that . He answered me in a most unexpected way by placing me in a job setting where I have to deal with a lot of "mah fan" people. I've had the oppurtunity to learn SO much about being patient with people, how to deal with stressful situations in the workplace under intense pressure. It's so hard to be an "ambassador" for the Lord in this particular workplace. Especially in an environment where colleagues usually express their frustration with swearing and/or very "Cantonese" reactions (high volume, pitch speaking/shouting at each other.....but not really meaning to be rude). If any of you guys want to know more about stories from my job... feel free to approach me anytime to ask me.... I have MANY to tell...(the adventures of the CRUISE AGENT); even one involving the name BERWIN.... haha

July: I feel the effects of working full time... hardly any time for friends outside of work. Since I work 10:30- 7:30/8:00 everyday from monday to Friday, it made it even more difficult to meet up with people afterwards. As well, 1/2 of my JLC girls are abroad...while the other half are busy working. That's why when Church retreat came along, it was much needed...just a time to be away from the hectic work life, and to concentrate on other more important aspects in life. I'm so glad I went this year, because God definitely spoke to me through the workshops about caring/friendship/ and deepening relationships with others in our church community. God provides a community for a reason. It should be a place where we can spur each other to grow, a place where we can share our struggles and victories with each other without having to be afraid of being judged by others. I've experienced that two years ago at 180 fellowship while in Hong Kong for the summer, and I also sincerely pray that our church will also develop to be such a haven. God did not mean for us to go through our walk with Him alone, we were meant to fellowship and to experience Him with others around us too.

Other summer memories worth mentioning: Chicago with the fam/ MiniClaude Reunion/Madison Avenue Pub with the ClaudieGirls/$1.99 breakfasts with May and Jo and Ikea/Lounge-chilling with Jo and Jin and Char/Darren's Farewell party =(/Piano Geeks Party (*snortsnort...haha)/retreat practice/chinese dessert with the "twin" (Samango...tee hee) and friends...more to come...

What Am I listening to ?: Coldplay-Castles (album)

Take Care & Cheers, -v

2006-04-25T17:19:00.000-07:00

NERDS UNITE!!

and... that's what I feel that I need to do... buckle up and finish these tedious exams... I daresay that I really like the tshirt designs from Threadless.com. It was actually Sarah Kee who introduced this site to me... I wouldn't mind wearing some funky designs and corny jokes on my tshirt (just as long as it's not like the "Jesus hates COMMERCE" slogans I saw some commie girl wearing at the library the other day). Anyways, I should be studying for my last one on Friday, but I really can't concentrate. When my family came to visit me on the weekend (along with my little cousins and my aunts and uncles from my mum's side), I felt that summer had come at last!! ahah I was incredibly excited to see them, and it made me miss Hong Kong! I hope I can go back sometime in the next couple of years.

Aside from my yearning for the motherland, I've recently been thinking about what my future holds (as in this summer... and after I graduate from Queen's next year). Summer-wise, I've applied for a couple of jobs, and there's one that I'm particularly keen on. I applied for the Gibson House Museum (on Yonge and Sheppard) and they were looking for historical interpreters. I really don't know what God has in store for me, but I'll trust him in making the decisions. And as for after graduation, when I realized my beloved 06's were graduating, I started thinking about my own future after undergrad. I've contemplated about the possibilities of teaching overseas for a couple of years, grad school for museum studies, or even law school. I KNOW God has a plan for me. All I can do now is to trust and to wait and to listen and obey.

Congratulations to all the graduating 06's ! God's gonna use you guys to do his good work. I'm so excited to see how he carves out your paths and provides for your needs. Come back to visit next year!!!!

To the 07's: We're the oldies next year, and that means we'll really have to make the effort to take care of each other and the ones younger than us. I pray that we'll learn to grow together and experience our spiritual lives together as one body, and out of love and concern for our fellow friends (whether in Fellowship or in our faculties). Let's not give up on our fellowship or on one another!

NerdOut,

funcee

what i learn about birthdays

2006-04-04T12:29:00.000-07:00

Birthdays, the day to which you are bore from you mother's womb in intensive labour and pain. A recognition of one's progressive age (whether we like it or not). An evolving and changing concept from birthday parties to just plain sitting and reminiscing on the years God has given us. I think that third personal definition characterizes what this year's birthday is like. This year, I'm learning how to be at peace with how quiet and simple birthdays are growing up in university.

Here's my rendition of the "Birthday Evolution".

1st day - 4 yrs of age : The "Doting" Stage
These years are characterized by what the parents think of as "musts" for birthday rituals. There are the birthday parties or family celebrations with many friends and family to which you have no knowledge of. As well, there are a multitude of birthday cards, adorable pictures and presents that end up somewhere in the confines of the basement or in scrapbooks (that still exist to this day).

5 yrs of age- 11 yrs of age: The "Themed" Stage
During the formative years of childhood is when for some (at 5 ) or for others (a little bit past five) the nagging and begging of birthday parties are the most prominent. We ask for Chuckie Cheese Parties, for Princess Parties, or for the *gasp* Disney-themed parties (because of course, Disney was at it's HEIGHT in our decade). We give our parents our wishlists for presents, and our lists of schoolmates that we want to include. Our birthdays are spent opening presents, wearing ridiculous dresses and costumes, loot bag giving, and hurting our parents' wallets as they obligingly run the birthday parties and watch us smile.... and oh, how can we forget, the *blackmail* pictures that show missing teeth in our big smiles =)

12 yrs of age - 15 yrs of age : The "Awkward" stage
Instead of the large roster of invitees at parties mixed with both guys and girls, it is at this period of time when the sleepovers become the most popular birthday celebrations of choice. The number of people at these functions become greatly reduced, and so does the involvement and presence of the parental advising. For girls, the choice of gifts are very GIRLY (including arts and crafts kits, make-up, manicure-esque type of activities). For guys, this becomes the "I'm still doing the birthday parties run by my parents " type -o -thing.... sorry guys, but that's the truth.

16 yrs of age - 18 yrs of age: The "Adult Wanabee" stage:
Most teenagers at this age get their driver's license and/ or attempt their first relationships. Because of these new "responsibilities", they feel that it allows for other perceived "adult" activities on birthdays, such as house parties, excessive alcohol-drinking, and clubbing. The misconceptions is that in fact, they are embodying what "adults" do in University rather than the adults in the working world.

19 yrs of age +
From now until possibly your 30's , you realize how funny those birthday parties were. Birthday presents aren't so important either. What you once thought as taboo for birthday gifts (when young), such as clothing, scarves, food, and flowers now seem to be highly acceptable ones. At this point, you realize who the true friends are, and can also sometimes be surprised by the random birthday wish from friends long ago (or whom you don't communicate with on a daily basis). You learn to accept that not everyone remembers your birthday, and that it is okay to spend birthdays just chilling and relaxing if not with friends, then with yourself. It is at this point that you realize how gracious God is for providing so many years of livelihood =)

This is what I continually learn from birthdays. I've never been the most popular, or the most celebrated. Yet I know that in the end, I have parents who love me, friends that care, and most importantly, a God that has kept me alive thus far in my 22 years .

2005-11-21T14:15:00.000-08:00

...wild roses.. made beautiful in time...

No more chains ~ Nichole Nordeman

how did i get locked up inside?
what's this that renders me paralyzed?
i lost myself in small pieces
it happened over time
i traded love for a heavy chain
another link every other day
i pulled it up and down a mountain
it made me want to say...

no more chains
no more chains big and small, watch them fall away
no more chains

i wonder now if the choice was mine
the door was open, i walked inside
nobody had my arm twisted
nobody made me stay
the face of freedom can show up small
a tiny crack in a prison wall
a song that rises up from silence ...
i should let you give me wings...
i should let you set me free...

for you, best friend.. (and anyone else going through a tough time) the light is at the end of the tunnel :)
p.s. i miss toronto... although gotta say.. ktown is my home now =( haahah

mr. robotics

2005-11-19T10:10:00.000-08:00

So this is a windup toy that I got in Hong Kong two years ago... while out on the streets shopping with Linc & Sam Wong. It's one of my favourite toys, cause when wound up, it does some pretty "jivin" and "hip" moves. In a more abstract view, a robot pertains to what I've learnt in the past term (thus far.. and nearing its' end).
I've realized how mechanical and routine my typical day has become... it usually consists of the usual events.
1) get up in the morning & get ready for class
2) go to classes
3) go to the library after classes are finished
4) go home and get ready for bed
.... then there are the times when I can throw in a breakfast/lunch/supper where it can fit... plus seeing friends and going to choir.. etc...etc... POINT IS, I'm ready for God to SHAKE IT UP!! I don't want to just live my life mundane-ly...and so, HERE I COME DISCIPLESHIP! and I'M READYYYYYYYY to ROCK n ROLL!
In light of the Rock n Roll comment I just made and stemming back to the Mr. Robotic theme... I MUST say that the music class I'm taking this semester (MUSC171) is DEFINITELY a MUST TAKE course!!! I've realized that it's helped me to appreciate and enjoy different genres of music that I would've NEVER envisioned myself to listen to. I have a newfound respect and liking for Rock bands. Not so much the Punk Bands (eg : Sex Pistols, The Ramones) due to the fact that they, in my opinion, lack in technical musicianship and stems only from Angst and Emotions. Instead, I'm liking the sounds and techniques of Psychedelic Rock, Folk Rock, and even Hard Metal (eg: Jimi Hendrix, Cream, Metallica and Led Zeppelin). Not to say that music should be void of emotion driven "power", but I do enjoy the virtuosic guitar solos, the crazy drumminggggg and the complex musical structures (not just straight 4 count bars... but changes in time signatures)... and let's not forget those EXCELLENT RIFFS associated with techniques and abilites of the trained ear (and fingers =))... but yah, to make it simple : I'm a big music geek and I want to learn more about 20th century music!!! haahah not to mention that *gasp* : Rock n Roll stems from early Country & Blues while Rap is in association with Disco... cool non ? hahah
Anyways, I hope you like my friend, Mr. Robotics... he can teach you a few moves =)

Ro(boti)ck On.. tee hee..
~ v.

spice rack

2005-10-26T05:04:00.000-07:00

Hip hip Cheerio!!! Top of the morning to you!! ... excuse the pun in that while I AM actually eating a bowl of good ole' "ohs"... the quintessentials of the day, a filling if not simple breakfast. I vowed to myself that I must eat at least an apple in the morning. Formost, it prevents me from having to EMBARASS myself in class if my tummy intends itself to be heard and starts to "sing". The worst part of MY tummy is that it makes sounds in the lower bass register... thus competeing with another familiar bodily function.
So as the week progresses... I still have TWO more midterms. The one on Monday was horrible to say the least.. I actually had a headache after it... I just need to have a big break from it all. Unfortunately, that's not gonna be an option for me.. Next week, I have a presentation, quiz, assignment... the next, a test possibly (yet to be determined)... and the horror continues right until the Christmas exams!!!
Suffice to say, I'm physically exhausted and want to simply have a night which composes of at least 6 hours of sleep. Anyways, time for class soon.. so tag another time.

Here's a lovely picture of my spice rack.. hahaha see what happens when a person's stuck in their room for too long... hahaha even spice racks become appealing =). hey at least they have more "spice " in their life than me as of right now.. hahah

cheers (-io) .. oh my.. - v.

2005-10-22T18:35:00.000-07:00

October 22nd, 2005.

Another day of semi-studying... I even had time to take this picture!! ahah.. (more like the lack of concentration on anything academically related). This last week has definitely been something else: 3 midterms plus a quiz to top it all off!! And yet, I'm still partially conscious to what's going on.. although I have to admit that I often times doze off in the middle of something.. or ANYTHING for that matter (including.. praying.. whoops).

To say the least, this coming week is not any better. If anything, it has the same degree of sleeplessness required to complete the multiple midterms/quizzes/assignments. Hopefully, Mel's lovely chocolate cookies will keep me SANE!!! (Thanks friend!).
On another note, I found out that this year I get off for Christmas Break on the 15th!! WhooWhoo!!! Unlike previous years, I'm actually getting out before the last day of exams.. and you know what that meansssss... SOME EXTRA TIME off to get ready for *drumroll please...*... WCB2005!! (Winter Crystal Ball!!!).
This year, we've decided to raise money for both the Earthquake in Pakistan, and as well, a Chinese cultural organization (so our generation of young people can get to know and experience our heritage). There's gonna be a lotta good food, prizes and the likes of a great partyY!!! <-- that was my little shpeel in promoting for now.. oh don't you readers worry... there's gonna be more comin. That's my update for now.. gotta get back to Hellenistic Culture and Society.. Alexander is a crazy man!!

postContiki/ postpompeii.

2005-09-28T11:44:00.000-07:00

This is Love- Tom Read

What can separate me, from Your love O God
You will not forsake me, there's nowhere You cannot go.

Neither death nor life
No depth and no height
Can weaken Your love O God
And there's nothing in this world
in all of creation
That can take Your love away

This is how I know what love is
Though I'm a sinner, Christ lay down His life for me
And that's the greatest act of love in history
When my Jesus died for me
This is love

Who else can complete me, who can cover my sin
Nothing can defeat me, now that you live within

I will worship You, Give you highest praise
You gave Your everything, for You are truly great.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm so addictted to this song.. although I can't say that the words truly reflect my current feelings. I guess that I can say that I'm in a spiritual rutt.. I know that I will eventually get to where God wants for me.. but I'm still trying to recover from some disapointments I've experienced in the last few months. Granted, I had an AWESOME beyond amazing summer. I met so many new people this summer. I just need to start believing in my God again.. and let him show me how faithful he still is.. that he'll never forsake or leave me abandoned despite difficult and frustrating circumstances that occur in succesion.

Having said that, its' gonna be an adventure for Michelle and myself, since we're both in charge of the spirtitual wellbeing and support of our cell group. Its definitely not by coincidence that he placed the two of us together as co-leaders this year. HE knows the struggles we've both encountered, the way that we can share with each other honestly and just the sincerity to see wounds mended within ourselves and within our fellowship... to see HIM work within our relationships with each other. Sometimes, I wonder why I agreed to be a cellgroup leader... I feel as though spiritually, I'm so much weaker than a lot of my cell group members, that I'm just not prepared to lead... but then maybe God has somethign in store for me in having to take this responsibility ? I just don't want to act as though I've got it all together.. I want to be real, to struggle, to be able to relate to others BECAUSE of these struggles.. and to be a servant rather than a leader within our cell group.

Aside from that, got to watch amazing race 8 yesterday !!! with the girls downstairs .... my new neighbours Melissa, Katherine, and Laura .. in 4th year eng.. ahaha how we got to know each other is quite random aside from them being my neighbours (I mean last year, I didn't even know what the guys downstairs looked like, let alone their names). It was a great time of procrastination, a little piece of television indulgence... what to say, the show has and alway was, a brilliant concept. Now i should get back to work.!!! p.s. Greek is a frustrating language!!! (but beautiful.. when or if EVER I understand it!! )

Cheers,
-v

They'll sing Oh how God rests in reason. - Jason Mraz

2005-03-27T21:46:00.000-08:00

God Moves Through You - Jason Mraz

You were born together,
and together ye shall be forever.
Until death should scatter,
it wouldn't matter in the memory of God above.
Let the wind of heaven dance between you too;
allow the space and time to bring you closer to everlasting love.
Cause god moves.
What do you do,
God moves through you.

When love beckons,
his ways are often hard and steep.
When his wings unfold,
ya yield to all he speaks,
the soul it might be hidden there among his pinions
Oh you may wear a wound that truly spoke to you.
Believe in all that voice and follow through,
follow so on and on.

What do you do when God moves through you?
What do you do say...
I do, I do

Just remember love possesses nothing.
Nor would it ever be possessed.
Oh love is love sufficient unto love,
and you can figure out the rest.

Your children will not be your children,
they are the daughters and the son of a beginning.
They'll come through your womb but not be coming from you.
They will be with you but do not belong to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
then they'll arrive with their own hearts.
They're the coming of angels this blessed season,
and then they'll sing oh how God rests in reason,
God rests in reason.

So what do you do ooh...
when God moves through you.
What do you do say?
I do, I do.

Think not you can direct the course of
love itself directs the course allowed.
Believe not God is in your heart, child
but rather you're in the heart of God.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I haven't blogged in a long while... seemed appropriate and fitting to write an entry on this triumphant day... Easter Sunday. Right now, I'm on a Jason Mraz binge, listening to a wide variety of his styles and songs. I really like his voice, boyish yet rugged (reminds me of Damien Rice) ; his guitar playing, unpolished yet comforting (reminds me of Hayden or toned down John Mayer); his lyrics, complicated yet somehow making sense ( like Dave Matthews' work). Ya know how those artsy/folksy/indie-esque ones are =) But in particular, this song seems so right for this weekend. I was surprised that he wrote something very Christian-related; it really stood out. The song really acknowledges that God is an all loving, all purposeful Master. He beckons us to join in communion and fellowship with Him, and to view daily life through His eyes.

Whilst on my "not so productive" periods of studying, where I'd rather read ANYTHING other than my lecture notes and textbooks, I have started reading 2 books that have allowed me to introspectively reflect; on life, on faith, and on fellowshipping with my family, friends and with my church and fellowship families.
One of these books, was one given to me by a truly remarkable sister whom I have a deep respect for; whose currently doing Missions and Evangelism in China for the year. Called Safely Home, by Richard Alcorn, it's a fictional novel which depicts the persecution of the church and the Body of Believers in China. I had never known the autrocities and great struggles to which these home churches have had to endure. I realized that my past views on the limitations and allowances of free worship in China and even in Asia have been skewed due to my own comforts in North America. Now it's different..God opened my eyes to only one of many of the occurrences for which his people are being persecuted and martyred for.
Another book which I'm currently reading is The Calvary Road, by Roy Hession. Many people have boasted about the powerful message contained in this short book. I can recall that Pastor Steve Hawkins of Operations Mobilizations would strongly advise to read this book once or more every year. And believe me, after the first 2 chapters, this book has changed the way I have viewed and understood Brokenness, God's overflowing cup of hope and new life, and the meaning of the word Peace. (I'll update you guys more on this book at a later time...I'm getting drowsy..)

On a lighter note, I had a wonderful and relaxing Easter weekend. Although Friday seemed painstakingly long, I managed to do..... NO WORK AT ALL!! Instead, I just took a day off to relax and had a nice dinner and talk with Sa before heading off to Good Friday Service. I was pleasantly surprised by my parents' visit to our humble and rustic abode...on Saturday. We had our share of fun times; shopping at Super C, making Chinese soup (cause it's good for students like me =) , chatting etc... I truly Love my parents.. and I hope I'll one day be able to have a relationship with my daughter like the one I presently have with my mom=)

-this post was intended for last week.. ahah whoops =) didn't finish cause i wanted to add some stuff on.. but I guess i'll put it later !!

Just want to know that you still know how many hairs are on my head... - Nichole Nordeman

2005-01-30T22:50:00.000-08:00

Be Small Enough - Nichole Nordeman

Oh, Great God, be small enough to hear me now.
There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den.
And I have asked you once or twice if you would part the sea again.
tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
Just wanna know, you're gonna hold me if i start to cry.

Oh, Great God, be close enough to feel me now.
There have been moments that I could not face Goliath on my own.
How could I forget we've marched around our share of Jerichos.
But I will not be setting out a fleece for you tonight.
Just wanna know that everything will be alright.
Oh Great God, be close enough to feel me now.

All praise and all honour be,
to the God of ANCIENT MYSTERIES
whose every sign and wonder, turn the pages of our history
But tonight my heart is heavy.
And I cannot help from whispering this prayer
"Are You There ? "

And I know you could leave writing on the wall that's Just for me.
Or send wisdom while I'm sleeping like in Solomon's sweet dreams.
But I don't need the strength of Samson,
Or a chariot in the end...
Just want to know that you still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh Great God, be small enough to hear me now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mystery: One that is not fully understood or that baffles or eludes the understanding; an enigma; A mysterious character or
quality; A religious truth that is incomprehensible to reason and knowable only through divine revelation.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nichole Nordeman is one of my favourite poets and Christian songwriters. Recently, I feel a nostalgic feeling over me to listen to her wonderful songs again. It's funny how every time I hear these songs, they've spoke to me differently in relations to a variety of contexts and situations in my life. Be Small Enough is no exception. As I'm slowly letting the Lord Heal my heart and learning to slowly trust in Him again, the words in this song are a complete reflection of the awe and wonder I have come to know in the past and are currently exploring and rekindling.

To know that our God is so loving , (as proof in the mentions of the different bible characters) gives me a sense that this God knows what he is doing even though I do not. This week has been full of glimpses into God's agape love for me... it's just a matter for me to accept who he's created in me. He's teaching me to have confidence in knowing Him.. in knowing my role within my church, my fellowship, and in my relationships with others.

Although I may NEVER know or understand all of God's workings and ways (i.e. why things happen the way they do.. or even why they happen in the first place) , I know that he has chosen me and all his other sons and daughters as a steward for his mysteries. Today, in church the message WAS about God's Mysteries, and us being stewards of it. The three points the pastor spoke of were that we should learn to leave room for God; to learn to stay in/ at a place even if we feel uncomfortable; and to do/ say/ act upon things God asks us to even if we don't completely understand what or where the results are. It's this type of mystery which requires us to live through and to exercise our trust in Him... So!!! Here we go.. slowly.. but surely....

P.S.Thank God for the encouragements from different brothers and sisters =) I Hope I can do the same for you =)

1 Corinthian 4: 1-5 (The Message Bible)
" Don't imagine us leaders to be something we aren't. We are servants of Christ, not his masters. We are guides into God's most sublime secrets, not security guards posted to protect them. The requirements for a good guide are reliability and accurate knowledge. It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don't even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I'm not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn't mean much. The Master makes that judgment.
So don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of--inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God."

Love can take a little more... - skillet

2005-01-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

Love is all around you know, so take a hold.
Hidden in our words, that's sometimes ain't enough
Don't suffocate day after day, just build it up.
Cause when you're feeling weak, you know i'm strong enough.

..Just one more day, one more day...
..Let the world crash Love can take it...
..Love can take a little, Love can give a little more...

Love is indistructable, so take a hold.
Sometimes hard to find a reason good enough.
Stand beside you, Never leave you through it all.
And faith will bring a way to the impossible.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Love: An intense emotional attachment; A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude towards someone/ something.

----------------------------------------------------------

Even the dictionary describes love as a feeling. How I sometimes wish that it was that easy.. a feeling. The song by Skillet ( A Little More) (above) really describes of the omnipresence of God .. of his unfailing and everpresent Love for us. It reminds me of a love I have forgotten and forsaken for a long time; one not of just feeling and emotions, but of action and trust. I rather like the literal translation of the Greek word for Love (Agape) --> enthusiasm, or devotion; unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. Although I like the definition, I know that personally, I have not been exhibiting that aspect of Love in my daily life ... Rather, I've been struggling a lot not only with my relationship with the Lord, but it also indirectly affects my thoughts and relations with others.

I wish I could say that everything is nice and dandy... but it's far from it. Academically, I'm doing pretty well.. but as I reflect on the past semester... I've realized that I've cut God out of the equation.. out of the overall picture. I've been so dependent on myself... not spending time with the Lord, living pretty much the life of a "good person without God". Although I've been attending Bethel and serving.. I've just come to a point where I'm dried.. or just tired... Tired of what ? I guess that question has many answers. I've been questioning God for a long time, as to whether he really truly hears my prayers. There's been issues and things that I've kept in my prayers for a long time, and yet I feel as though he's been silent and not giving me any APPARANT answers. Maybe I've missed the answers he's given me .. maybe I'm just not paying attention. ..

I miss the way I use to trust in God.. the way I used to rely on him for everything. I miss the compassion I had for others. I miss the way I used to live in fervor for Him and His Kingdom. Everytime I listen to another one of Pastor Dougs' sermons (and his great analogies), I have a motivation to reestablish my relationship with God. Everytime I sing the worship songs, I have a yearning to be near Him.. yet somehow.. I just can't seem to do it. Something's holding me back.. something in the way... I KNOW what it is.. but my "human-ness" has gotten the best of me.

How can I say to be living for his purpose.. when I don't even aquire the purpose and the advice given by God in the first place ?.. Help me Lord... I yearn to be rid of these chains and of the lies of the enemy... I strive to find comfort and refuge in you.. to be a witness to my brothers and sisters.. to those who do not know you. Father, use my flaws and my sins to show your hope and your faithfulness. I know you are a God that does not give up on your children. You are the Good Shepherd who looks for the one lost sheep. Almighty Lord, forgive me and renew me. Provide me with accountability and brothers and sisters who will pray with and for me. But most importantly, give me a heart to seek what is good.. what is pure and what is in Your FAVOUR. ~So Let it Be.

" But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual imorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.... "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them... for it is light that makes everything visible... "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you". - Ephesians 5 : 1-14 (excerpts) .

November 12th, 2004. ~ Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

2004-11-13T22:13:00.000-08:00

So many things to do, and so little time to do it in... sounds like a line from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. How applicable it is to the time that passes by in a week. This week just flew by too quickly, I didn't even have time for a breather. Well... maybe academically, my work hasn't been too overwhelming... but worship teams, cheoreography for the dance at the Evangelical Meeting, and the amount of time I spend doing those things have pretty much filled the week up.
Recently, because of these upcoming events, different thoughts have continously crossed my mind.
I know that my devotions and relationship with the Lord is not all its capable of being, yet i'm once again learning to slowly look not JUST at the "merits" but to have a heart and passion for WHAT i'm doing. Coincidentally (actually, not really.. cause nothing is EVER by coincidence), the theme of the Evangelical Meeting is Larger than Life (.. haha and what boyband does that remind you of ? ) . It suggests and jests at whether we (as christians or non-christians) are satisfied with what we currently have. For me, this has brought up the topic of complacency and self justification/self-fulfillment.
The bible mentions about how we, as human beings are prone to physically do what we don't want to do, even though our spirits and the longings of our hearts want to do right. God has given me so many new oppurtunities in my classes that right now, I KNOW that I should be taking a hold of these oppurunities as ways to develop relationships with those around me. I've taken the step to establish those relationships, and yet, i'm currently struggling to live out the life of a follower of Christ. What Makes me different from a Non-Christian ? Is it that I follow "rules" set by God in the Holy Bible ? Is it that I truly express genuine care and encouragement for my friends ? Or is it that I'm speaking words of truth and hope (and about the promises of a life with Christ) that make me stand out ?
I vie for the last two. My goal at the beginning of the year was to go OUT of my comfort area, and to break out of the christian (chinese) niche that I have carved out for myself throughout last year. So, in that way, I've already established an answer for the second of the three questions . And yet, the third seems so out of reach for me. I've realized that I lack faith in many aspects of what I go through daily.
I question the effectiveness of direct evangelism to students on campass. the fact that within this week, I've been convicted of limiting God in a way that suggests that "students in University are too intellectual to really accept direct proclaimation of a need for Christ" has placed doubts in my heart and skewed my point of view of what evangelism is and should be like. Instead, I have become complacent in just establishing relationships with people from my classes, and not going any further to share about the love of Christ. What creates even more dissonance is the fact that Kwan and Lincoln (2 fellow KCCF-ers) have started an outreach program within the university. Their faith and belief in God's ability to do big works through our small talents and passions have stirred in my heart a longing to have the same fervour for evanglism as they do.
But first things first, getting it right with the Lord... and serving him in worship team, and the EM with a pure and god-oriented heart.

~ funce~

p.s. on side note, I finally got the "renowned"OK Computer cd- by the one, the only, Radiohead (oldie but goodie) !!! and from Jason too !! (thanks buddy) ... , and I also met up with HK crew in Toronto =) (Jere, Niki, Derek, Mike Lau.. minus Alison, Rodney, and Carrie =( ... )